Emotional Release · “Die to Be Reborn”
Tonglen
To dissolve self-grasping and grow compassion by deliberately breathing IN others’ suffering (as dark smoke) and breathing OUT one’s own well-being (as cool, bright light) — transforming fear and aversion into open-hearted courage.
Tonglen in 5 lines: Settle, then warm the heart with compassion. (Start with yourself.) Picture someone suffering vividly; gather their pain as hot, black smoke. Breathe it IN, into the self-grasping knot at your heart, where it dissolves. Breathe OUT cool, bright light — your peace, joy, healing — to them. Rest in the conviction they are freed; gradually widen to all beings.
What it is
Tonglen (Tibetan: gtong len, “giving and taking”) is the Mahayana mind-training practice Sogyal Rinpoche presents in The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying as the heart of compassion practice.
It deliberately reverses our normal instinct: instead of pushing pain away and grabbing pleasure, you breathe in others’ suffering — visualised as hot, black, grimy smoke — and breathe out all your own happiness, warmth, and healing as cool, bright light.
The aim is to melt the hard knot of self-grasping at the heart and let genuine compassion (and the courage that comes with it) be born.
The Method
Sogyal Rinpoche teaches Tonglen in graded stages (faithful paraphrase; short quotes attributed): Preliminary — sit and open the heart
- Bring the mind home. “Sit quietly and bring your mind home” (see his calm-abiding practice). Settle for a few minutes.
- Arouse compassion. “Meditate deeply on compassion.” Invoke the presence of all buddhas, bodhisattvas, and enlightened beings so that, through their inspiration and blessing, “compassion may be born in your heart.” Tonglen for oneself first (recommended starting point)
- Split yourself in two: a compassionate, loving “you,” and a wounded, suffering “you.” Let the loving self breathe in the pain of the suffering self and breathe out love, warmth, and confidence to it — healing your own pain first so you have a stable base. Environmental / mood Tonglen (a gentle warm-up)
- Breathe in any heavy, stale, “smoky” atmosphere (gloom, tension); breathe out coolness, clarity, freshness. A low-stakes way to learn the rhythm. Main Tonglen — for another person
- Picture the person vividly. “Imagine in front of you, as vividly and poignantly as possible, someone you care for who is suffering.” Feel every aspect of their pain.
- Gather their suffering as dark smoke. As your heart opens, imagine all their suffering “gather into a great mass of hot, black, grimy smoke.”
- Breathe it in. “As you breathe in, visualize that this mass of black smoke dissolves, with your in-breath, into the very core of your self-grasping at your heart.” There it destroys the self-cherishing knot — the smoke is welcomed, not feared.
- Breathe out light. “As you breathe out. imagine that you are sending out its brilliant, cooling light of peace, joy, happiness, and ultimate well-being” to the person in pain.
- Rest in conviction. Feel firm conviction that “all of his or her negative karma has been purified” and a deep, lasting joy that they are freed of suffering.
- Widen the circle. Gradually extend the practice from one person to many, to all who suffer — and even, eventually, to those you find difficult. (Sourcing note: stages, the black-smoke-in / cool-light-out structure, and quoted phrases are from The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying ch. 12. Wording is faithful paraphrase with short attributed quotes.)
Source & Lineage
Tonglen is a classical lojong (mind-training) practice traced to Atisha (11th c.) and the Kadampa masters, transmitted through all Tibetan schools. Sogyal Rinpoche — a Nyingma/Dzogchen teacher and founder of Rigpa — gave it one of its most widely read modern presentations in 1992.
Pema Chödrön’s well-known Tonglen teachings come from the same lojong stream. (Fair-use note: weigh the practice on its merits independently of later allegations against the teacher.)
The Traditions' versions
Lojong / Atisha’s seven-point mind training — the source tradition; Tonglen is its central breath practice.
- Pema Chödrön’s Tonglen — same practice, widely taught in the West (Shambhala lineage).
- Mettā / loving-kindness (Theravāda) — kin practice, cultivating goodwill; gentler, no “taking in” move. → - Compassion-focused therapy (CFT) — secular clinical use of compassionate imagery and breathing.
- Christian intercessory / “bearing one another’s burdens” — a devotional analogue of taking on others’ suffering.
Common refinements
Skipping self-Tonglen. Beginners who plunge into taking on heavy suffering can feel flooded. Sogyal Rinpoche advises starting with yourself, then easy cases.
- Bracing against the in-breath. The smoke is meant to be welcomed into the heart to destroy self-grasping — not fearfully resisted. Resistance defeats the practice.
- Going cold / dutiful. Without genuinely aroused compassion (step 2), it becomes mechanical imagery. Warm the heart first.
- Empathic over-identification. If you start carrying the pain as your own burden rather than transmuting it into light, ease off — that’s distress, not compassion.
- Forgetting the out-breath. The giving half is as important as the taking; always complete the cycle with bright light flowing out.