Emotional Release · “Die to Be Reborn”
Revenge-then-Forgiveness
To discharge resentment first by fully imagining revenge, then to release the person and oneself through spoken forgiveness — freeing mental energy that the grievance was holding.
Hay’s forgiveness exercise in 5 lines: Eyes closed, bring to mind who you can’t forgive. First, briefly let yourself imagine the revenge — then compress it and let it go (notice the lightness). Then, for 5–10 min: “The person I need to forgive is _, and I forgive you for _,” imagining them reply “Thank you, I set you free now.” Finally, ~5 min of “I forgive myself for ___.” Repeat weekly. Forgiveness frees you; it never means reconciling with someone who harmed you.
What it is
Louise Hay’s forgiveness exercise, and her most psychologically unusual one. Most forgiveness teaching jumps straight to “let it go.” Hay does the opposite first: she has you fully, vividly imagine taking revenge on the person you can’t forgive — let the resentment have its day in your imagination — and then, once it’s discharged, move into spoken forgiveness of the other person and, crucially, of yourself.
Her reasoning: you can’t release a grievance you’re still gripping; honoring the anger first lets the forgiveness be real rather than forced. She frames forgiveness not as condoning what happened but as freeing your own mind, which the resentment has been holding hostage.
(Hay pairs this with her “willingness” principle: you don’t have to know how to forgive — being willing starts the process.)
The Method
From You Can Heal Your Life and Hay’s published “Revenge and Forgiveness” exercise: Stage 1 — Revenge (discharge the anger):
- Sit quietly, eyes closed. Bring to mind the person who is hardest for you to forgive.
- Imagine your revenge fully. Picture what you’d genuinely like to do to them. Let it be as detailed and satisfying as it wants to be. Ask yourself Hay’s prompts: What would they have to do to earn your forgiveness? How long do you want them to suffer or do penance?
- Then compress and release it. Once you’ve let the fantasy run its course, mentally shorten the whole timeline and let it go. Hay says this stage typically leaves a feeling of lightness — the charge has been acknowledged and spent. Stage 2 — Forgiveness (release the other):
- Stay seated, eyes closed. Now repeat, for about 5–10 minutes: “The person I need to forgive is ______, and I forgive you for ______.” Let different grievances come up and name each one.
- Let them be set free. If you’re doing this with a partner, they reply each time: “Thank you, I set you free now.” If alone, imagine the other person saying it to you. Stage 3 — Self-forgiveness (the part most people skip):
- Turn inward. For about five minutes, say aloud: “I forgive myself for ________.” Search your heart for the things you still hold against yourself, and name them one by one.
- Repeat weekly. Hay recommends doing the exercise at least once a week. Some resentments release at once; others have to be chipped at until they dissolve. (Sourcing note: the revenge-first stage, the prompts about penance/suffering, the “I forgive you for…” / “Thank you, I set you free now” / “I forgive myself for…” scripts, the 5–10 min and weekly cadence are Hay’s documented teaching, attributed. Short quotes only; descriptions are faithful paraphrase.)
Source & Lineage
Louise Hay (1926–2017) → (verify path). The forgiveness work is central to You Can Heal Your Life (1984), where Hay treats unforgiveness (and especially unforgiven resentment toward self) as a key blocker of well-being.
It sits inside New Thought’s broader conviction that held grievance poisons the holder. The revenge-first innovation is Hay’s own pragmatic touch — an acknowledgement that you cannot sincerely release what you haven’t first let yourself feel.
Day-themed versions appear in Mirror Work: 21 Days to Heal Your Life (2016).
The Traditions' versions
Forgiveness therapy (Enright; Worthington’s REACH) — structured, evidence-based forgiveness models; Hay’s exercise is a folk cousin, sharing the recall-the-grievance-then-release arc. REACH even begins with recalling the hurt honestly, echoing Hay’s discharge stage.
- Empty-chair work (Gestalt) — speaking aloud to an imagined other to process unfinished emotion; structurally close to Hay’s spoken “I forgive you for…”.
- Ho’oponopono (Hawaiian) — repentance/forgiveness/release spoken practice; same forgive-self-and-other release. → or relevant entry.
- Loving-kindness for a difficult person — Buddhist practice of extending goodwill to someone who hurt you; the softer cousin without the revenge stage.
- Self-compassion / self-forgiveness — Hay’s Stage 3 maps onto the self-forgiveness research literature.
Common refinements
Skipping straight to “I forgive you” while still seething. Forced forgiveness over live resentment doesn’t hold. Let Stage 1 do its job first — but keep it bounded.
- Letting the revenge fantasy loop. The goal is acknowledge and release, not marinate. If it stops feeling like discharge and starts feeling like rumination, move to Stage 2.
- Omitting self-forgiveness. Hay considered Stage 3 essential and the most-skipped. The grievance you hold against yourself is often the heaviest.
- Confusing forgiveness with reconciliation. Forgiveness here is an internal release for your benefit — it does not require contacting, trusting, or excusing the person.
- Expecting one session to clear deep wounds. Hay prescribes weekly repetition; some resentments dissolve slowly.