Emotional Release · “Die to Be Reborn”
Forgiveness Meditation
To release the burden of resentment, guilt, and self-blame by moving through three directions of forgiveness — asking it of those you’ve harmed, offering it to yourself, and offering it to those who’ve harmed you — using repeated heart-phrases until something softens.
Forgiveness in three directions: Settle, soften the heart.
(1) To those you’ve harmed: “I ask for your forgiveness.” (2) To yourself: “I forgive myself.” (3) To those who’ve harmed you, as far as you’re ready: “I offer my forgiveness, I forgive you.” Don’t force it — repeat the phrases over many sittings and let release come gradually. Close with goodwill toward all.
What it is
This is Jack Kornfield’s guided forgiveness meditation, one of his signature heart practices. Rather than treating forgiveness as a single act aimed outward, he structures it as three directions: first asking forgiveness of those you have harmed; then forgiving yourself for the ways you’ve hurt yourself and others; and finally, to the extent you are ready, offering forgiveness to those who have harmed you.
You move through each direction by holding people and memories in mind and repeating simple forgiveness phrases until you feel some release in the heart. Kornfield is explicit that forgiveness here means releasing the burden of resentment and self-blame you carry — it does not mean condoning harm, forgetting, or being required to reconcile.
It operationalizes non-resistance/letting-go (The Inner Creates the Outer), the heart/feeling dimension (The Inner Creates the Outer), and, in its fullest reach, love as the deeper ground (Only Love Is Real).
The Method
Kornfield’s structure (from The Art of Forgiveness, Lovingkindness, and Peace and his guided versions). A faithful protocol:
- Settle and soften. Sit comfortably, let the body relax and the breath ease. Rest attention in the area of the heart, breathing gently, sensing both the cost of carrying resentment and guilt and the longing to be free of it.
- Direction one — asking forgiveness of those you have harmed. Call to mind ways you have hurt or harmed others, out of your own fear, pain, or confusion. Picture them; feel the sorrow and regret. Then silently extend the request — Kornfield’s phrase is “I ask for your forgiveness, I ask for your forgiveness.” Let yourself ask, person by person, holding it tenderly.
- Direction two — forgiving yourself. Acknowledge the many ways you have hurt, betrayed, or abandoned yourself. Feel any self-judgment or shame, and meet it with kindness rather than more blame. Offer yourself the phrase “I forgive myself, I forgive myself,” extending forgiveness for what you’ve done out of suffering, and for what you couldn’t yet understand.
- Direction three — offering forgiveness to those who have harmed you. Recall ways others have hurt or abandoned you. Without minimizing the harm, sense how long you have carried the resentment, and how it binds your own heart. To the degree you are genuinely ready, offer the phrase “I offer my forgiveness, I forgive you.” If you are not ready for someone, that is honest — leave them, return another day, and forgive only what you truly can.
- Let the words work gradually. Kornfield stresses that forgiveness cannot be forced or artificial. You simply continue the practice, letting the words and images do their slow work over many sittings; some hearts open in minutes, some over years.
- Close with lovingkindness. End by wishing yourself and all beings well, resting in whatever spaciousness or ease has come. (Sourcing note: the three short repeated phrases above are Kornfield’s own widely-published wording; the surrounding structure is faithfully paraphrased, not reproduced.)
Source & Lineage
Jack Kornfield (b. 1945) trained as a Theravada monk under Ajahn Chah (and with Mahasi Sayadaw’s lineage), and co-founded the Insight Meditation Society (1975) and Spirit Rock (1987), becoming a principal bridge between Buddhist practice and Western psychology.
This forgiveness meditation appears across his work — most centrally in _The Art of Forgiveness, Lovingkindness, and Peace_ (2002) and _A Path with Heart_ (1993) — and draws on the Buddhist understanding that holding resentment harms the holder.
It is kin to (but distinct from) the brahmavihara practices of metta and compassion. → (kornfield jack).
Common refinements
Forcing it. Trying to “make” yourself forgive breeds a false, brittle forgiveness. Kornfield’s whole instruction is patience — repeat the phrases and let release come on its own schedule.
- Confusing forgiveness with condoning or reconciling. You are releasing the resentment’s hold on you, not approving the harm or obligating contact. Both can stay separate.
- Skipping self-forgiveness. The middle direction is often the hardest and the most needed; don’t rush past it.
- Starting with the worst wound. Begin with smaller, workable hurts to learn the movement before approaching the deepest ones.
- Refinement: keep a hand on the heart and the tone gentle; if a direction surfaces too much, return to the breath or to lovingkindness, and come back later.