Inquiry · “You Are Not Your Thoughts”
Awareness / 'Waking Up'
To ‘wake up’ from mechanical reactivity by watching oneself react — observing thoughts, feelings, and reactions as if they happened to someone else, without identifying with them or with one’s labels.
In 4 lines: Through the day, catch yourself reacting — anger, fear, craving — the moment it arises. Watch it as if it were happening to someone else, and quietly name it. Don’t identify with the reaction, or with any of the labels put on you. See that the upset is your reaction, not the event — and keep waking up each time you notice you’d fallen asleep.
What it is
This is the central practice of Anthony de Mello (1931–1987), the Jesuit priest and spiritual teacher from India whose talks became the book Awareness.
De Mello’s premise: “Most people… are asleep. They’re born asleep, they live asleep… they die in their sleep without ever waking up.” Waking up means awareness — specifically, watching yourself react, in real time, as life happens.
His distinctive instruction is self-observation: notice your reactions, moods, and the labels you (and others) have pinned on you, and crucially, don’t identify with them. When you’re angry, are you aware you’re angry, or are you simply being the anger?
The practice is to watch everything in and around you “as if it were happening to someone else.” It operationalizes attention (The Inner Creates the Outer), witnessing awareness (Life Is a Dream), and present-moment presence (Everything Happens in the Now).
The Method
A faithful rendering of de Mello’s teaching (Awareness):
- Observe, don’t absorb. De Mello distinguishes self-observation (watching yourself with detached interest) from self-absorption (worrying about yourself). Watch “everything in you and around you as far as possible, and watch it as if it were happening to someone else.”
- Catch yourself reacting. Throughout the day, notice your reactions the moment they arise — irritation, craving, anxiety, defensiveness. The key question: “When you got angry, were you aware that you were angry, or were you simply identifying with your anger?”
- Name what’s happening (label, lightly). Quietly note the reaction: “anger arising,” “fear,” “the wanting-to-be-approved-of.” Labeling creates a sliver of space between you and the reaction.
- Don’t identify with the reaction — or with your labels. De Mello: “You are all those labels people have put on you, or that you put on yourself… You’re not! So you don’t have to cling to them.” Reactions and self-images are passing weather, not your identity.
- See that the upset is your reaction, not the event. “What’s causing the negative feeling — the rain, or your reaction?” Problems, he taught, arise from our reactions to reality, not from reality itself. Awareness reveals this directly.
- Keep waking up. You will fall back asleep into mechanical identification countless times. Each time you notice, you’ve woken up again. The practice is simply to keep observing, without effort to “fix” yourself — awareness itself does the work. (Sourcing note: “spirituality means waking up,” “watch it as if it were happening to someone else,” “you are all those labels…,” and “what’s causing the negative feeling — the rain or your reaction?” are de Mello’s published phrasings, attributed; the protocol is faithfully described, not reproduced.)
Source & Lineage
Anthony de Mello SJ was an Indian Jesuit priest, psychotherapist, and retreat director who fused Ignatian spirituality, Eastern contemplative wisdom (Buddhist, Hindu, Sufi), and modern psychology into a radical message of awareness and non-attachment.
Awareness was compiled posthumously from his “Wake Up to Life” conference. His self-observation method is essentially mindful dis-identification applied to everyday reactivity — a Western, story-and-humor-rich cousin of vipassana noting and nondual witnessing. → (Anthony de Mello); related.
Common refinements
Confusing observation with self-criticism. Watching yourself is curious and detached, not a new way to judge yourself. No fixing, just seeing.
- Self-absorption disguised as awareness. Brooding about yourself is the opposite of de Mello’s watching. The stance is light, almost amused.
- Trying to stop reactions. You don’t suppress anger; you become aware of it. Awareness, not willpower, dissolves identification.
- Refinement: anchor it to triggers — every time you feel a strong reaction, that’s the cue to wake up and watch.