Surrender · “Let Go to Receive”
Tonglen
To cultivate compassion and dissolve self-protective grasping by reversing the ordinary instinct: breathing IN the suffering of others (willingly taking it on) and breathing OUT relief, ease, and happiness to them.
Tonglen in 5 lines: Pause in a moment of stillness. Set the breath rhythm — breathe in hot/dark/heavy, breathe out cool/bright/spacious. Bring to mind real suffering (start with yourself or a loved one): breathe in their pain with the wish to relieve it, breathe out comfort and ease. Widen it to everyone who suffers that way. When you get stuck, breathe in the stuckness itself for all who feel it, then rest in openness.
What it is
Tonglen (Tibetan: gtong len, “sending and taking”) is the signature compassion practice of the lojong (“mind training”) tradition that Atisha carried from India to Tibet.
It reverses the mind’s ordinary move. Normally we breathe toward pleasure and away from pain — clinging to comfort, pushing suffering away. In tonglen you do the opposite: on the in-breath you willingly take in pain, darkness, and suffering (your own and others’), and on the out-breath you send out relief, spaciousness, warmth, and happiness.
Classically the suffering taken in is visualized as hot, dark, heavy smoke, and what is sent out as cool, bright, soothing light. The point is not to literally absorb others’ pain but to break open the armor of self-cherishing — to train the heart to stay present to suffering rather than flee it.
It sits in surrender release because its core is releasing the reflex to defend the self and accepting what we usually reject.
The Method
A faithful summary, following the lojong slogan “Begin the sequence of sending and taking with yourself” and Pema Chödrön’s widely-taught form:
- Flash on openness (a moment of stillness). Sit and, for a second or two, rest in a brief sense of open, clear space or stillness — a pause before the work begins.
- Work the texture with the breath. Establish the rhythm: breathe in what is hot, dark, heavy, claustrophobic; breathe out what is cool, bright, light, fresh, spacious. Synchronize this with the natural breath until it flows. (Practicing the texture first makes the content easier.)
- Tonglen for a specific situation. Bring to mind a real instance of suffering — ideally start with yourself or someone you love, or even a moment of your own pain right now. Breathe in that suffering with the sincere wish to relieve it; breathe out to that person comfort, ease, and whatever would help.
- Widen the circle. Extend the same in-and-out to all who suffer as this person does — everyone, everywhere, caught in that same kind of pain. You take in their suffering too and send relief to them all. This is where the practice opens beyond the personal.
- (When you get stuck) breathe in the stuckness itself. If you hit resistance, numbness, or “I can’t do this,” make that the object: breathe in the resistance on behalf of everyone who feels it, breathe out openness. Nothing is excluded.
- Close in openness. Let the visualization go and rest again in simple, spacious awareness. (Sourcing note: “sending and taking ride the breath” and “begin with yourself” are lojong slogans from Chekawa’s Seven Points, the lineage Atisha transmitted; the four-stage form and the “breathe in the stuckness” instruction follow Chögyam Trungpa and Pema Chödrön’s standard teaching. Faithfully described, not reproduced.)
Source & Lineage
Atisha Dīpaṃkara Śrījñāna (982–1054) was a Bengali Buddhist master who travelled to Tibet in 1042 and revitalized Buddhism there, founding the Kadampa lineage. He brought the lojong mind-training instructions — received in his own lineage from masters such as Dharmarakṣita and Serlingpa (Suvarṇadvīpa) — of which tonglen is the practical heart.
The slogans were later compiled by Geshe Chekawa Yeshe Dorje (1101–1175) as the Seven Points of Mind Training (Lojong Dön Dünma). The practice spread across all Tibetan schools and reached the West especially through Chögyam Trungpa and his student Pema Chödrön. → (Atisha; Tibetan lojong teachers).
Common refinements
Skipping yourself. The slogan says begin with yourself. Trying to take on the whole world’s pain before you can hold your own often leads to overwhelm or spiritual bypass.
- Bracing against the in-breath. Tonglen isn’t grim endurance; it’s a softening. If breathing in feels like clenching, lighten it and return to the texture (hot/cool, heavy/light) before the content.
- Treating it as literal absorption. You are not catching others’ illness or karma. It’s training the heart, not transferring suffering.
- Avoiding the resistance. When you go numb or blocked, that is the next object — breathe it in for all who feel it. Don’t force past it.
- Refinement: keep the out-breath as generous and spacious as the in-breath is willing; many people over-focus on taking in and forget to truly send.